*Sigh* Frustration

[Wolfchan]

This is just a rant, you don't have to pay it any mind...

A good friend of mine is moving out of state, and there is a good chance he won't be able to take his T collection with him. I talked to him tonight and he offered me any T's I wanted out of his collection if he can't take them.

I'm not supposed to be getting any more animals! I'm working full time and going to school, plus trying to find an apartment with someone who feels that keeping animals as pets is morally wrong.

But...I've been in love with his big B smithi for several years. If he can't take the T's with him, I can't turn her down. He has seven other beautiful T's that I can pass on easily, but I'm going to be in so much trouble when I bring "Tumbleweed" home. -_-

I talked to my BF tonight and he said he wouldn't blame me for taking her home, but I know it bothers him. Argh!! :wall: :wall:

[Rob1985]

I would get it!!! Just don't tell ur roomate about it. My parents think I have 3 T's, in actuality I have 7!!! :wicked:

[becca81]

Don't let anyone else make your decisions for you!

If you are going to be sharing an apartment with someone, then you are going to be paying 1/2 the rent. Keep them in your room. It's none of their business.

[bonesmama]

WHY would you even WANT to share an apartment with anyone of that mindset???!!!???

[Blasphemy]

I say you should go for it, who knows what will be their fate if your friend decides to drop them off at a pet store or something. At least if you take them they'll be in good hands....or perhaps you could take care of them until you find someone else capable of taking care of them

[Wolfchan]

WHY would you even WANT to share an apartment with anyone of that mindset???!!!???

Because I love him?

If she can't go to Arizona with him, Tumbleweed will be mine! Actually, oddly enough...my boyfriend expressed interest in taking another of his T's also...maybe he's starting to realize that they're not miserable in captivity.

[sublimeskunk37]

This is just my two cents but...I think you and your roomie should sit down and have a deep talk about your T's...I mean if you keep them in your room, hidden from him then what is the problem? See if you can work on a compromise! No relationship can be a sucessful one without compromise! :D

[Gene]

Because I love him?

If she can't go to Arizona with him, Tumbleweed will be mine! Actually, oddly enough...my boyfriend expressed interest in taking another of his T's also...maybe he's starting to realize that they're not miserable in captivity.

I think you are doing the right thing & I think Tumbleweed would be lucky to end up in your care. Perhaps after seeing how cushy a Ts live in captivity is your friend will not only change his mind but help you with your hobby. *Here's hoping for you*

It does raise one other question that is really none of my business but if you don't mind me asking........ What if one day you decide you want a puppy?

Best wishes.

[Wolfchan]

I don't know...my boyfriend didn't make his feelings about animals very clear until we started looking at apartments...I don't think I'll ever want to get a dog, but I DO want a cat eventually...so we'll see what happens.

If we get a place it will most likely be a one bedroom, so hiding the T's would be a challenge...but a worthwhile one.

[Gene]

I don't know...my boyfriend didn't make his feelings about animals very clear until we started looking at apartments...I don't think I'll ever want to get a dog, but I DO want a cat eventually...so we'll see what happens.

If we get a place it will most likely be a one bedroom, so hiding the T's would be a challenge...but a worthwhile one.

I understand & not like I am an authority on the matter or anything but I wouldn't suggest "hiding" something from someone you love anyway. All that causes is deception. I am sure you can work out an arrangement with the Ts that you will both find acceptable. Perhaps even a larger "display" type set up maybe even a naturalistic environment. You could have the best of both worlds. :)

Good luck to ya!

[Wolfchan]

*grin* That's actually a really awesome idea!! If I had the space I would have moved my hognose snake into a 60gallon long ago...now I will have the space, and her old tank would be lovely for something like a smithi... *ponder*

[Blasphemy]

Just get double locking lids or something to make him feel secure and eventually he'll get used to it

[Wolfchan]

*chuckles* He's not afraid of them, he feels that keeping animals in captivity is cruel.

[Blasphemy]

*chuckles* He's not afraid of them, he feels that keeping animals in captivity is cruel.

Oh I got it...well...you could easily argue that you're doing them a favor since in the wild they have a much higher chance of getting killed or starving, so at least under your care they get a perfect habitat, no predators and regular meals. Just my 2 cents.

[Wolfchan]

*nods* It's an ongoing discussion. He says the T doesn't bother him nearly as much as the bird does. I think it helps that my rosea is a pudgy pet rock....if food were dropped in front of her burrow every now and again I doubt she would wander off if she had the chance.

[CreepyCrawly]

Well, I dunno. My boyfriend doesn't really mind the Ts, but he just doesn't like the numbers I'm reaching with all of our combined pets:
2 dogs
2 cats
1 bird
7 snakes
3 lizards
5 tarantulas (until Thursday - then it'll be 7)
a breeding colony of gerbils
a breeding colony of lobster roaches

and he just doesn't like the numbers, and he doesn't like seeing cages everywhere (which is why he built me a nice big cage tower for my snakes and lizards - so all the cages were in one place). In reality, we do have a smallish 1 bedroom apartment, and it would be nice to have a spare "pet" room, which is what we're going to be looking for when our lease is up this fall. But when I moved in with him he knew I was an animal nut, and he knew that I come with my pets (and am usually getting more). He still gets mad and says "no more pets, we have enough." But the difference is that he doesn't even realize the Ts exist, except when I bug and bug and bug him to come see what the latest exciting thing is with the Ts (molt, eating, new burrow, etc.). But other than that, if I didn't have the cages sitting out on my desk he'd never know. I on the other hand get immense enjoyment out of them. So why should I stop? I'm taking good care of them, it's not like they're suffering because I have too many. He's not really suffering (although sometimes he thinks he is), because they really don't affect him, and I am made so very happy by them.

So I will continue to get as many Ts as I want. He knew about me and my animals when we decided to move in together, and I won't change who I am, or settle for not having what I want just because the number 5 seems like a high number to him. I didn't really want a 65" TV, and I certainly didn't really want us to be paying $250 a month for the next year on a TV like that, but we are, because it's what he likes, and it's what his hobby is. So I support it. My total cage volume isn't even nearly the same volume as his TV and speakers and all of his electronics take up, and they don't take up NEARLY as much money. So I'm going to keep getting the Ts I want until I have what I want (so long as I can still take great care of them). He'll probably continue to get upset at me for it, but he never really gets mad because I think he realizes it's pretty unfair of him to get upset over a number, or because he can see the cages.

[Wolfchan]

I've got a loooong two weeks to wait before I find out if she's mine, but here's Tumbleweed...

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v237/wolfchan/tumbleweed.jpg

That's a photo of a photo that's hanging on my wall. The quality could be better, I know, but it's the best I have right now. :)

[critterz]

My sympathies CreepyCrawly. I have exactly the same problem. I have been married 7 years now, and we have kept many small animals in that time. I started keeping snakes 4 years ago, and got to 6, but scaled it down to my 4 pythons to make my wife a little happier with the space requirements. :wall: I have been keeping T's for over a year now and only have 4. Our problem is that her mother is "afraid" :rolleyes: of spiders, and so is my wife. It took forever to convince her to let me get the first T. But as my small collection indicates, we have problems with numbers. She wasn't at all happy that despite long disaggreements I decided to bring home 3 more slings from a reptile show about a month ago. But she decided to live with it. Her current stance however, is that she will personally exterminate any additional inverts I bring into our home. :eek: I understand how she feels, but know it's unjustified as the spiders cannot escape their jars. So it's frustrating being limited to only a few 8 legged friends :mad: . My hope is that over time I can change her mind. We bought a house a few months ago, and I really don't like taking up more space than I have to with animals either, so I have informed her that when we sell in a few years the house we purchase will have a basement and I will have an animal room. She's not nearly sold on this concept yet, but it's a must for me. So anyway, I feel fr all of you here that share this frustration. Hopefully we'll all worh through it someday.

[Gene]

I've got a loooong two weeks to wait before I find out if she's mine, but here's Tumbleweed...

That's a photo of a photo that's hanging on my wall. The quality could be better, I know, but it's the best I have right now. :)

That's a really nice smithi, I hope you end up with her. ;)

[bonesmama]

If you can't keep her I'll take her! :D She's great! Best of luck with the BF, BTW - mine never had any pets growing up, but through me he's learned the joys!! In fact, he talks to them more than me! :mad: LOL!

[CreepyCrawly]

Wow, maybe it's just the angle of the picture, but that looks like one chunky smithi! Very beautiful too.

[CreepyCrawly]

My sympathies CreepyCrawly. I have exactly the same problem. I have been married 7 years now, and we have kept many small animals in that time. I started keeping snakes 4 years ago, and got to 6, but scaled it down to my 4 pythons to make my wife a little happier with the space requirements. :wall: I have been keeping T's for over a year now and only have 4. Our problem is that her mother is "afraid" :rolleyes: of spiders, and so is my wife. It took forever to convince her to let me get the first T. But as my small collection indicates, we have problems with numbers. She wasn't at all happy that despite long disaggreements I decided to bring home 3 more slings from a reptile show about a month ago. But she decided to live with it. Her current stance however, is that she will personally exterminate any additional inverts I bring into our home. :eek: I understand how she feels, but know it's unjustified as the spiders cannot escape their jars. So it's frustrating being limited to only a few 8 legged friends :mad: . My hope is that over time I can change her mind. We bought a house a few months ago, and I really don't like taking up more space than I have to with animals either, so I have informed her that when we sell in a few years the house we purchase will have a basement and I will have an animal room. She's not nearly sold on this concept yet, but it's a must for me. So anyway, I feel fr all of you here that share this frustration. Hopefully we'll all worh through it someday.

Well, at least nobody is really afraid of them, or afraid that they'll escape.

I'm working on phasing out the gerbil breeding, and switching to ordering frozen rats online. That is just about as expensive as breeding them is right now (probably because I spoil the gerbils rotten) and the rats will actually be more appropriate for most of the snakes (not to mention less time consuming), and will just sit in the freezer with no need for cages for them. That will make him much happer. He's already said if I get rid of all of the gerbils, he wouldn't be as upset about the spiders.

But I've also special ordered and personally designed new cages for the tarantulas, which should help with the "cages all over the place" appearance trouble he has. We have this huge empty wall... where there are no pictures, posters, not even a calander. No furniture against except for a little DVD tower. I designed cages that will hang ont he wall! They're made totally out of acrylic, and will be entirely transparent. I am going to set them up in sort of mini naturalistic set ups and hang them on this huge empty wall. He said he thought they would look nice, and instead of looking like a mis-mesh of cages (2 aquariums (not even matching) 1 critter keeper, and 4 sterilite tubs) sitting in shelves all over my desk, they'll all be very attractively displayed on a single wall.

I think that between those two things he'll be more comfortable with it. But it's a waiting game on the new cages, as I have to wait for them to be built by a guy in the lower 48 (not too sure which state he's in) and then he's got to ship them to me. Then I have to order the rats, which initially going to be pretty expensive, but then I won't have to pay anything on them for several months to a year, depending on how many I order. So, there are almost always other ways to work around it. It just takes some effort, and in my case, some inventive thinking.

When I still lived at home with my mom she swore to me that if I ever brought a tarantula home she'd kill it. I snuck a G. rosea home, and had a pretty awesome little hiding spot for the cage, and already had lizards to feed bugs to, so it's not like I was all of a suddin bringing home crickets. Well, me being the airhead I can be sometimes left the hiding spot open and uncovered one day that I went to school, and my mom found it. She was pretty mad at me, although she called and talked to my sister and my dad (both at work) which I'm sure calmed her down by the time I got home. She didn't kill it, she was too afraid of it to hurt it. It was about 4" at that time, and she was afraid that if she'd hit it with a broom it would just make it mad and make it chase her, so she just put the top back on the tank. She decided to let me keep it, because she said she realized that it wasn't like I was doing and hiding drugs in my room - it was just a spider. She had me move the cage out to a more visible spot, so she could check on it every once in a while to make sure it was in its cage (which is another pretty funny story in itself), and she even named it "Harry Larry". She soon learned that it didn't even move every day, or every couple of days, and several times she told me that she thought it was dead. She realized that it was more similar to a house plant than a pet... sort of.

[FRAZE01]

I couldn't give up any of my animals for anyone,love or not.As my signature says,I had a choice.I was a reptile breeder and animal lover when they met me,I won't give that up,that is who I am.I don't think that anyone else should make your decisions for you.

[Cirith Ungol]

I couldn't give up any of my animals for anyone,love or not.As my signature says,I had a choice.I was a reptile breeder and animal lover when they met me,I won't give that up,that is who I am.I don't think that anyone else should make your decisions for you.

Same would go for me. I am who I am because of what I like and do. If someone doesn't like that it's their problem and Ts are a kind of thing you can expect somone to put up with. It's easier for the other person to accept that than for you, who is involved through interest and emotion, to accept being without.

[MysticKigh]

I couldn't give up any of my animals for anyone,love or not.As my signature says,I had a choice.I was a reptile breeder and animal lover when they met me,I won't give that up,that is who I am.I don't think that anyone else should make your decisions for you.

Agreed... I have an ex that didn't cope well with my mini-zoo... to the point that if I was out of town for any length of time I came home to starved to death animals <sigh> On to better things, my partner now, although she sighs with discontentment occasionally when things get loud, is totally supportive of my little zoo... and has added her own addiction of snakes(which was contagious LOL)

[Wolfchan]

Wow, maybe it's just the angle of the picture, but that looks like one chunky smithi! Very beautiful too.

It's not just the angle, she is a PUDGE! She is the T that started my obsession originally, and even then I thought she had a "tick butt". :)

I broke up with my ex over the pet issue, and we were engaged! I would never get rid of any of my animals for anyone, but I had agreed for the time being not to get any more. Then he started being really nasty to my dogs...he never hit them, but he was not nice to them, and I refused to tolerate that.

[FRAZE01]

Agreed... I have an ex that didn't cope well with my mini-zoo... to the point that if I was out of town for any length of time I came home to starved to death animals <sigh> On to better things, my partner now, although she sighs with discontentment occasionally when things get loud, is totally supportive of my little zoo... and has added her own addiction of snakes(which was contagious LOL)

Mine was a little more than a mini-zoo,but #'s don't matter.It's what I am and what I do.I still can't find any to deal with it.They can deal with one or the other.

[Gene]

Mine was a little more than a mini-zoo,but #'s don't matter.It's what I am and what I do.I still can't find any to deal with it.They can deal with one or the other.

Hey, I think it's great that you are true to yourself. That's the only way to be and have any shred of happiness. I am that way myself in all honesty. My wife accepts it, tolerates it, and dare I say on occasion enjoys some of the animals. (Not Ts unfortunately)

I hope you find yourself someone that is as passionate about the animals as you are. Then it will probably work out great.

Best,

Gene

[FRAZE01]

Not many people out there that are like that.I don't just own them to say I do either.I learn about them and from them and that makes it all worth it.It makes it worse when your T collection is going to go from about 10 to roughly 50 over the next few weeks.

[Gene]

Not many people out there that are like that.I don't just own them to say I do either.I learn about them and from them and that makes it all worth it.It makes it worse when your T collection is going to go from about 10 to roughly 50 over the next few weeks.

I just noticed a similarity between the two of us. We have age on our side. Now that isn't anything against the younger people here it just seems to me that as I get a little older I am not as willing to settle for things anymore. It's my way or the highway with regard to certain issues and I do that to protect my own happiness & intrests.

You are spot on with why you keep your charges. I too learn from them and enjoy the interaction even if it is only cleaning & feeding. There are so many interesting things that get overlooked everyday and Ts happen to be one of the more interesting to me. I don't tell many people that I have them, it comes off as bragging or opting for attention because of the weird or unusual. When people do find out they are surprised that such a "normal guy" would be into that sort of thing. I usually tell them it's just like keeping fish except I don't have to do those annoying water changes. ;P

[FRAZE01]

My animals are one of the few things I have time for besides work and I won't give up my hobby,that is for sure.It helps that I make a little money at it to keep things going.

[Apocalypstick]

Are you kidding!!???

GET that beautiful smithi for gawds sake :eek:

By the way, why are you with someone that doesn't like animals when you obviously love them :confused:

[bagheera]

Are you kidding!!???

GET that beautiful smithi for gawds sake :eek:

By the way, why are you with someone that doesn't like animals when you obviously love them :confused:

You just can't help yourself, can you? ALWAYS urging others to get B. smithii!! {D

[baboons24]

take all of them, i would, but that's my opinion. my girlfriend said i should slow down at 10. now i'm at 16, and i don't think i'll stop, you have right to keep what you want, as so does he. it 's a hard deal to pass up, 7! almost anyone on here would jump at that in a heartbeat.

[Apocalypstick]

You just can't help yourself, can you? ALWAYS urging others to get B. smithii!! {D


I know...why would anyone want a smitty ;)

[anderstd]

You should just probably do it. I mean it will be better than saying later that you should have taken them.

[anaconda19]

do it just keep the one and sell the rest on, your parents/bf/whoever will understand if ur just keeping them to look after and to sell for a friends, i bet while ur busy selling the rest by the time ur left with just urs and the smithi everyone except you will have forgotten about it and not even realise u kept it. and if they do notice then keep it anyway:)

[Moltar]

I had a girlfriend who felt the same way about keeping animals in cages. No amount of discussion about the preservation of endangered species, the fact that they're healthier and more well fed, captive bred or the fact that most t's spend their entire lives within a foot or two of their burrow anyway (except MM's of course) would affect her opinion at all.

She was a cheating wh0r3 anyway so it's a moot point now...

[betuana]

This is a 3 year old thread....heh. I do wonder if he got the smithi though...

Lots of interesting stories, even if the thread is old. Since people are replying again, I figure I'll add my own thoughts on the general situation - since its certainly not a completely uncommon one.

My animals are part of who I am. I always intended to have a bunch of pets (as long as I was capable of giving them excellent care), and I won't let someone take that away. My SO knew that when he met me. He wanted to get to know me because I liked his cat and was not at all afraid of his large boas. That was some of what attracted him to me. I had pet rats, and openly admitted to being interested in more pets when we met. I was looking for jobs working with animals. He entered the relationship with his eyes open, and all that information out in the open. And he has been very supportive, even though sometimes I know he would prefer fewer animals (we have 5 cats, but the last 3 were all HIS choice, not my fault!). But he also knows that having these pets in our family makes me happy, so he's willing to be supportive of it. I never hid any of them from him, because that would just be deceptive. He was VERY uncertain about the idea of getting a T, but knew that I had done the research and could care for it, so since I wanted it and it would make me happy, he was ok with it. He's even learning why they are so fun (we spent 30 minutes watching her spin a feeding mat after grabbing a cricket one night, we both found it mesmorizing!).

If someone really loves you they will try to work with you to compromise at least. You should always take their feelings into account if you love them as well, but often something can be worked out - its important for both to be happy. Communication is key, deception doesn't do anything but break trust. And with something like Ts, which are very low maintenance and highly securable, compromise should be able to be reached in keeping them. Compared to say, a dog, which they would have to interact with if it lived there, and would be more obvious, need more space, need more maintenance, etc, Ts should be doable. But its important to be sensitive and address concerns they may have so that everyone can be happy.

Just my own story and thoughts....my SO is going to have to deal with more Ts, and he knows it (I keep showing him pics of the ones I want to get, LOL), but I'm lucky that he is tolerant and willing to support my hobby as long as I can provide good care to them and keep them secured. He wants me to be happy.

[dragonblade71]

Wolfchan: “Then he started being really nasty to my dogs...he never hit them, but he was not nice to them, and I refused to tolerate that.”

I find it very unusual that someone who supposedly respects the freedom of animals (ie against keeping them in cages) would want to be nasty to your dogs. Sounds like this person has a rather strange outlook on life. I don't blame you for breaking up with him